Moron's Handbook

Gentlemen make life as easy as possible for everybody around them. We, morons, do the opposite.

Moron Driver This handbook is not for natural hardcore morons, those do not need help improving their moronism, they are perfect.

We are about to teach regular morons how to be more complete morons.

It is hard to be a complete moron while you are among people. Usually the herd instinct kicks in and makes you to do stoopid things like smiling and keep doors open for people who come after you, things like this.
It is all different when you are driving, instead of herd instinct your cave instinct takes over. You feel like you are in a protected space and everybody is an intruder, making it easy for you to behave naturally, moronically.
This is why we recognize morons by their driving.


You can drive anything and be instantly recognized as a moron. However, most morons like pickup trucks and SUV's.
∙ Make sure your horn honks when arming the security system (the moron mode is enabled). Horn is for emergencies, honking without a good reason is what we, morons do. If you get lucky you may even see somebody jump walking by your honking truck. And imagine, someone getting a heart attack, wouldn't that be great!
∙ You may also want to get some cheap HID or LED lights. They really do not improve the visibility for you as they are out of focus, but they are great annoyance for everybody around you. In particular at night.

Driving tips

Be unpredictable.
∙ Do not use turn signals unless you need a favor from other driver. Never use turn signals to help other drivers (or pedestrians, bicyclists) around you. Once I asked a fellow moron why she is not using turn lights. She said: "Why should I? I know where I'm going." What a great moron!
∙ Drive over solid lines and cores, this is a good way to scare the shit out of them!
∙ On four-lane highways drive on passing lane. Preferably slower than the traffic.

Extra tips

∙ For shy morons. In case you do not like those looks they are giving to you - do not worry - we have a solution for you. Tinted glass!
∙ Some morons have realized they will never be Robert De Niro. But they starve for attention, like kids do. We have a solution for you, too. Booming sound system. A few people may turn their head and look at you with disgust. Better than nothing!
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